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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  October 15, 2014 12:36am-1:38am PDT

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sam smith once again! [ cheers and applause ] good lord, that was great. and the roots right there from philadelphia, everybody! they are very good. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- dane cook, from "mulaney," nasim pedrad,
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author, azar nafisi. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everyone! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] great to hear. how are you, fred? >> fred: i'm doing great. >> seth: are you doing well? it's great to see you. >> fred: so happy to be back. >> seth: so happy to have you back. it's a great day. there's big news today. big news today. north korean dictator kim jong-un resurfaced yesterday after more than a month out of the public eye. u.s. officials think that the reason no one saw him for so long is that he was starring in an nbc sitcom. [ laughter ]
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that might be why. apparently, north korea released new video of kim jong-un walking with a cane. walking with a cane. cane? recluse, loves chocolate. he's like the willy wonka of dictators if you think about it. [ laughter and applause ] this is pretty cool. today, the obama administration announced the 140 people selected from across the country to participate in the fall white house internship program. and unlike the white house, the internship program is very hard to get into. [ laughter and applause ] this isn't just a jump the fence situation. there's essays. there's questions. you don't just walk by like a sleeping secret service guy. there's work.
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[ laughter ] this is really sweet. former republican presidential nominee mitt romney posted an open love letter to his wife ann on a social media site today. [ audience aws ] yeah. i'm not sure he's a great romantic because the letter starts with "to whom it may concern." [ laughter ] lacks a certain emotion. this is promising. canadian scientists have developed an ebola vaccine that will be tested on 40 american volunteers. they say they're confident they can get americans to try it because it's gluten free. [ laughter ] so, there's a real enthusiasm for that. there's a real enthusiasm for that. [ applause ] this is just horrifying. a scottish backpacker found this week that she accidentally carried home a three-inch leech in her nose after a trip to vietnam. said the woman, "why does it smell like leeches in here? does anybody else smell leeches?
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am i the only one who smells leeches in here? i could swear there's a leech in here." [ laughter ] i was surprised to hear this. brad pitt said in an interview this week that he doesn't feel safe in his own home without a gun. said pitt, "i don't even know half these kids." [ laughter and applause ] this is crazy to me. snoop dogg and iggy azalea are fighting with each other on social media after he posted a photo to instagram calling her ugly. yeah. i mean, come on, snoop. come on, snoop. how can you judge someone's attractiveness when your eyes haven't been fully open in 25 years? [ laughter and applause ] this is amazing. on this day in 1912, president teddy roosevelt was shot, declined to go to the hospital and gave a 90-minute speech with a bullet in his chest.
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then on this day in 2012, i spent the whole day on web m.d. because my eyelid wouldn't stop twitching. [ laughter and applause ] this is too bad. pizza hut had to apologize to a customer after an employee wrote "the fat lady" on her receipt. said the customer, "this isn't over." and she didn't sing it, so i guess it's not. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, listen to this. a british man has created a machine called the autoblow 2, which he says can accurately simulate oral sex. he had to create the autoblow 2 because he married the autoblow 1. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: great to see you, 8g band. again fred, so good to have you back. so happy you're here. >> fred: happy to be here. >> seth: you know one of the things great about having you back is i feel like you live this incredibly interesting life. i love asking you about it. i feel as though your life is so interesting that some people might think you're making it up off the top of your head. but i know that would never be true. you would never lie to me. but in the time you were gone, obviously, there are many things i want to ask you about. is it true that you opened a car dealership? >> fred: i did. >> seth: you did. [ laughter ] >> fred: it's a car dealership. it's really posters of cars. so it's -- but it's very rare cars and it's very expensive. it's like very high-end cars on posters. >> seth: on posters. but it's a dealership? >> fred: it's a dealership. that's the catch. like, you do the whole experience of buying a car, but it's posters of the car. so, it's just really
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high-quality paper. the ink, the photos, they're really excellent, excellent. >> seth: i have to ask you. because, you know, high end -- when you say car posters that strikes me as like teenagers and younger. you know what i mean? like, i don't think of a lot of adults who want to have car posters in their house. >> fred: let's take you, for example. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> fred: so, would you like a poster of a car? >> seth: no. >> fred: okay. [ laughter ] would you like a car? is there a car that you like? >> seth: yeah, sure. i'd like a car. >> fred: okay, what kind? >> seth: well, a nice mercedes. >> fred: okay, what does it look like? a black one? >> seth: sure, a black mercedes. >> fred: we have an 8 by 10 poster right now of a 2005 black mercedes. [ laughter ] it is so -- and i'll cut you a great deal on it. >> seth: that's great. 8 by 10 is pretty small. [ laughter ] that's smaller than a piece of paper. >> fred: 8 feet by 10 feet. >> seth: oh, 8 by 10. [ laughter ] now, that's a little big for me.
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>> fred: ah, you're a little picky, aren't you? >> seth: i'm a little picky. all right, you know what? i will stop by though. i will stop by. >> fred: see you soon. >> seth: i will stop by. [ applause ] we have got such a great show for you tonight. the very funny dane cook will be joining us this evening. [ cheers and applause ] looking forward to that. also stopping by, one of the stars of the new sitcom "mulaney," my good friend nasim pedrad. [ cheers and applause ] and i'm very excited to be talking with the author of the new book "the republic of imagination," azar nafisi. [ cheers and applause ] very interesting woman, very talented writer. guys, huge news out of rome this week. on monday a conference of catholic bishops at the vatican released a document that stated that gays and lesbians have, quote, "gifts and qualities to offer the church" and suggested the church could be more welcoming to members of the gay community. it was a huge story and all the major news outlets were covering it. for example, this was the headline for "the washington post" -- "vatican stuns catholic world with greater openness toward gays and lesbians." well, we wanted to take a look at how some of the other news
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outlets covered the story in a piece we call, "how they reported it." [ laughter ] >> seth: the popular website buzzfeed has their own take on this story. let's take a look at how they reported it. "34 brunch places to go after mass." [ laughter ] subtle, very subtle by buzzfeed. [ applause ] let's see how it was reported by "the advocate," a popular cultural magazine in the gay community. "last-minute gift ideas for the catholic who suddenly wants to be friends." [ laughter ] most of them are scented candles. "catholic digest," a magazine widely read by catholics, had a simple take on their story. let's take a look at their headline. "ah!" [ laughter ] this was such a big story, it also made it into your mom's annual holiday letter. let's see how it was reported there. "jeff and his longtime 'roommate' richard will make a big announcement at christmas." [ laughter ] i bet i know what it is. next, let's see how the "aarp magazine" reported it for its over- 65 readership.
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"pope says he'll welcome gates." [ laughter ] oh, no. they didn't hear the story right. it's not gates, gays. can you actually put that back up there? i think there's another headline over on the side. "great news for jazz fans -- oboe outbreak hits texas." [ laughter ] no, it's not oboe. never mind. just never mind. let's take a look at how "cosmo" reported it. their latest issue had some advice for catholic women. "12 haircuts that will come out for you." [ laughter ] this is number seven. this haircut is number seven. [ laughter and applause ] this would work. the maddow. [ laughter ] and finally, let's see how it was reported in "the hollywood reporter." "nathan lane to portray pope francis in upcoming biopic." that's "how they reported it." we'll be right back and with more "late night."
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it is the best of what we're made of. during the jeep celebration event well-qualified lessees can lease the 2014 grand cherokee laredo 4x4 for 359 a month. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. we've got a great show lined up for you guys tonight. but i do have a make a confession.
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we had booked an animal expert from the bronx zoo but he canceled last minute. it's a real bummer, but i was talking to our cue card guy wally and he said he had a buddy who could drop by with some animals. so give it up for last-minute animal expert tommy jurewicz. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you so much for coming out, tommy. >> no problem. it's great to be indoors. [ laughter ] >> seth: so, tommy what zoo do you work for? >> i'm kind of like my own zoo. >> okay, i'm going to leave that alone. and tell me, what animals did you bring with you tonight? >> well, you know, you guys kind of called me at the last minute so i didn't really have a ton to choose from. >> seth: that's fine we totally understand. let's see some of the animals. >> all right. this guy is a cute little
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bugger. [ laughter ] he is a north american opossum. he's on loan from underneath the triboro bridge. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, now, tommy, i want to ask -- sorry. is this guy dead? >> oh, no, no. it's called playing opossum. it's a defense mechanism where it pretends it's dead. like it's in a coma or something. you could pick this up and throw it against the wall and it wouldn't wake up. do you want to see? [ light laughter ] >> seth: no. i do want you get that off my desk. >> okay, yeah sure. hey what if we put it on your head, you know, like one of those cute little fun talk show moments? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: no, i don't want to do it. >> they'd love it. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i don't want to do this. i'd like to move on to the next animal. >> very well. hey seth, by the way, do you want to buy a hot box? >> seth: sorry, what's a hot box? >> an illegal cable box that lets you get all the channels without having to pay. i'm talking vh1, hbo, pay per
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view wwf events, and even including the spice channel. [ light laughter ] you know what that is? >> seth: i know what that is. >> pornography. >> seth: i said i knew what it was. [ laughter ] what's next? >> i hope you guys like animals. yeah, give it up for the animals! [ applause ] we've got ourselves a punch of accuse little sassy guys that -- oh, no. this is bad. >> seth: what's the matter tommy? >> i'll tell you what's the matter we got a burlap sack filled with dead mice on our hands. [ light laughter ] >> seth: oh, no. what? what? >> yeah, i grabbed the wrong one this morning. this is my wife's. >> seth: why does your wife have a sack full of dead mice? >> for her job. >> seth: what's her job? >> she's a food tricker. >> seth: what's a food tricker? >> well, you know, she goes into the whole foods she goes up to the hot bar. she takes a dead mouse out of the bag, puts it in the couscous. brings it to the attention of the manager.
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hey, what are you doing? and boom, free coffee cake. [ light laughter ] see. food tricker. >> seth: i've got to be honest. i'm underwhelmed by everything you've showed me so far. >> you know if you called me like a month ago i could have got you a tiger or giraffe or a bunch of paint ball guns. but this is what you get. >> seth: you could have gotten a tiger? >> well, it would have been a rug, but i would have wrapped it around a dog so it looked like it was alive. >> seth: you know what? let's move on. >> okay, this next animal is a cute little guy who can also be very sassy. [ light laughter ] >> seth: that is a clark bar. >> go with the flow, man. >> seth: what flow? >> just pretend we'll cgi in something later like a spider or a bat. >> seth: a bat? >> go with the flow. >> seth: fine. how long have you had this bat? >> what bat? this is a spider. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, man. it's very scary. yeah, very scary.
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>> yes. and it is filled with poison. >> seth: okay, yeah. that's a crazy spider. >> i think the spider is trying to give seth meyers a smooch. >> seth: that's enough. that is more than enough tommy. very disappointing. >> no, no seth. can i show my last animal? >> seth: fine but then i have to go? okay. >> ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on nature's freakiest beast. the human. [ light laughter ] >> seth: your last animal is yourself? >> yes. we think we are not part of the animal kingdom because of our intellect and our technology with our cars, our beds, and our remote-controlled televisions. but we are the only animal that will war with his neighbor. we are the only animal that will kill his brother. and we also have the ability to love. love, seth, that is what will save us. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you know what? i've got to say that was beautiful.
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>> thanks. >> seth: i think those mice are alive. oh, no! [ laughter ] tommy jurewicz, everybody last minute animal expert. >> wanna meet my spider? >> seth: it's not a spider. it's a bat. it's a bat. it's a bat. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you know how fast you were going? about 55. where you headed at such an appropriate speed? across the country to enhance the nation's most reliable 4g lte network. how's it working for ya? better than ever. how'd you do it? added cell sites. increased capacity. and your point is... so you can download music, games, and directions for the road when you need them. who's this guy? oh that's charlie. hey could you put some pepper spray on my buritto? it's severely underseasonsed. he always like this? just want a little spice, you know? just a little spice. at&t. the nation's most reliable 4g lte network
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announcer: rated m for mature. ( announcer speaks )
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everyone. our first guest is a very funny comedian who will be performing at the new york comedy festival on november 6th and 7th at the beacon theater. you can also see him in his new showtime special "troublemaker," which premieres on october 17th. let's take a look. >> you know, girls, when you write that little description of yourself? this is where -- please go home tonight and delete it. because it's not good. i think that you think you're being very clever in there, but it's really -- it's cringe worthy and it's -- i challenge anybody. go home tonight, try to read any girl's little "about me" section out loud without -- [ laughter ] you can't. pick a random girl's page. just try to read it out loud. just a small town girl living in the snow globe of life.
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let's shake things up. >> seth: please welcome dane cook. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome. >> hello. >> seth: take a seat. how are you? >> what's going on? how are you, seth meyers? >> seth: i'm good dane cook, i'm good. >> it's good to be here, seth meyers. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah, dane cook. >> well we have that kind of name. by the way, hi, fred. how are you? good to see you bud. we have that name. there's few people that have the name where when you meet somebody they always call you by your entire name, and i believe that you -- i have that. >> seth: yes. >> and i believe that -- nobody ever says seth. it's always seth meyers. >> seth: yeah, i'm seth meyers. >> and since i was a kid -- even like in school when they would do like roll call and they would be like, "bobby?" "here." and, "laura?" "here." "dane cook?" i would always get the full intro. >> seth: it's a cooler name. dane cook is a very cool name. seth meyers is very not. >> well, my name was actually supposed -- my dad was supposed to name me.
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my mom snuck -- my dad couldn't be there when i was born. my name way actually -- this is true -- it was supposed to be angus megisic. first name. >> seth: wow. >> yeah. i was supposed to be like a steak sauce, apparently. >> seth: wow. >> according to my dad. >> seth: that is the biggest bullet dodged of all time. >> it really is, seth meyers. >> seth: well done, yeah. thank you, dane cook. thank you, angus megisic cook. [ laughter ] so this special, this is your first special in four years. >> yes. >> seth: you did this yourself. you directed it, you put your own money into it. >> right. >> seth: and when you do comedy specials, i guess it's normal to do two nights when you shoot them? >> yeah, because you want to have something to normally cut from. primarily you want like just one great show and a couple little fragments maybe from the other nights, maybe some fillers. some buttons, tags, extra little things. and so i did the friday night show. and by the way, i put my own money in this. this is the first thing that i did completely on my own, no, you know, corporate assistance. so, you know, it was scary. and then friday night, everything that could have possibly gone wrong when you're recording -- like, every technical issue. i had drunk people who came in late who were like, "what's
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going on in here?" [ laughter ] it was like -- and i'm in my head going, like, "this is just, this is the worst." i was expecting to like turn and have the grim reaper just standing behind me just kind of like giving me the wrap sign. and i remember finishing the show and just feeling like it was a complete disaster. and then the next morning i'm eating breakfast and i'm like, "oh yeah, now i really have to --" >> seth: yeah. now that saturday's not the safety show, like you -- it's not just fun stuff. you really need to nail it. >> i must capture the lightning in the bottle on saturday night. or basically i have the most expensive home video of a crappy comedy set that nobody will ever want to watch. >> seth: i'm going over to dane's house. oh, i wouldn't, he's gonna make you watch his special on vhs. [ laughter ] >> that'd be like -- that's like watching somebody's wedding video after they've been divorced. no one's ever going to watch that. >> seth: yeah. we were going to put this on tv, but we didn't. so you -- we met when you did "snl." >> i did, yeah. >> seth: and i remember you were so excited to meet don pardo, the legend don pardo.
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>> yeah. don pardo. >> seth: and, well, do you remember your conversation with don when you first met him? >> i really -- there was a lot of -- you know, hosting "snl" was a dream come true and there was a lot of things that i wanted to hopefully accomplish when i was in those hallowed halls. but my dad was in broadcasting. and i just always had like an affinity for people who use their voice to paint verbal pictures and use great vernacular. so i met don pardo, and i was excited that he was there. and i was like, "would you do me a huge favor, if i recorded you, could you please in that great don pardo voice say, [ bleep ] you dane cook, you [ bleep ] piece of [ bleep ].'" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and? >> he basically came out of character and was like, "no, i'm not doing that." [ laughter ] he dropped the pardo on me and just bolted. >> seth: yeah, well that's probably good by him. you had said "snl" was one of the reasons you got into comedy. what was it like that moment before you started doing -- when the show started?
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>> it was like really surreal, you know? i remember watching martin short when i was a kid, and you know, seeing him do "jackie roberts jr.'s $100,000 jackpot wad." >> seth: that was classic, yeah. >> i was like watching those sketches and i really felt like -- i had like a dysfunctional family, and i was like, "that seems like a dysfunctional family there as well. this seems like a bunch of like, crazy hooligans going bananas. maybe i would fit in in that space." and i used to watch the show every night. i remember like, always watching the host come through the door. that was always like a special moment. my eyes were peeled every time the camera angle would change. i'd be staring at that door, and i'd always wonder like, what's behind the door? you know, is it some kind of lavish party going on back there? are they coming down -- like are they getting off a private plane and being whisked right in to this -- and then finally i got the opportunity to do the show and i'm standing back behind that door that i stared at my entire life. just standing in that space. and you know what's back there? >> seth: yeah, i do. >> nothing.
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[ laughter ] it's dark and there's nails everywhere. it's very, very dangerous. >> seth: it's very awful. there were people in the cast who would say, "i'm not going back there until i come back to host." and i remember thinking, "i'll go back there." it is so depressing. >> it's just creepy and there's just like one person with a headset on like, "go!" [ laughter ] >> seth: sorry to take the magic away, but that's very accurate as to what it is. >> but i really did have that kind of like, i don't know, cliché moment when i finally was back there, and i was like, "wow, all these years what's behind that door? i'm behind that door." it so it was a dream come true. and it was great to be there with you for both of those. >> seth: yeah, both of them. it was great. and then as a standup, one of the most successful standups working, you played sold out madison square garden, staples center, carnegie hall. in those giant rooms, do you remember over the course of your career, what's the smallest room you've ever played? >> smallest room i ever played was in front of one person. >> seth: you did a oner? >> yeah, i did a oner. >> seth: what we in comedy call the oner. >> yeah, that's the old oner.
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>> seth: how do you do a show for one? >> well, i got -- it was the university of new hampshire. >> seth: okay. >> and i was just a young, you know, turk in the comedy business. and this woman hired me to come up there. actually, she was like the head of the student, you know, whoever hires the - - >> seth: like the activities board. >> exactly. and so i went up and driving from massachusetts to new hampshire like a sneaky blizzard came out from behind a mountain in vermont and suddenly it dumped like eight feet of snow. but i was almost at the gig. and i needed -- i remember i was going to make $343. that's what they offered me. >> seth: right. well, they offered you $340 and you argued it up. >> yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] i haggled. >> seth: you're a good negotiator. >> i haggled a little bit. and i got there and the girl was by herself. she was like, "hey, the show's been cancelled." i was like, "i really need that $343, you know? i got to pay the futon bill." [ laughter ] i was crashing on a buddy's futon.
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and so i was like, "listen," and i pleaded with her. i was like, "can i do the show for you? can i please just perform for you?" and she was like, "and i'll pay you if you do 45 minutes of comedy." i said, "yes." i was like, "please." so we sat at a table, i unplugged the mic and i sat in front of this -- and she wasn't so enthused about this idea in the first place. [ laughter ] >> seth: she was like, "i'll give you $400 if you leave." [ laughter ] >> i remember the most wretched moment was i said something that apparently, you know, sparked something in her. and i got the slow clap from her. but i got the worst slow clap ever. i got the one clap slow clap. she leaned back and went -- [ laughter ] ' and i was like, "i'm killing!" [ laughter ] >> seth: that's like the sound your brain made when it had its aneurysm. >> i finished the 45 minutes. she begrudgingly gave me the money.
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and i remember when i was driving home through this terrible snowstorm -- and honestly i remember feeling like, this is wretched. this is one of the worst moments probably in my life and career. but a little voice was like, "but i think it would make a great panel story if i ever get on a talk show some day." >> seth: well, it did. she did you a huge favor. >> yeah. thanks, lady. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: well done. and if you're watching, you really launched a career here. >> yeah, you did. >> seth: dane cook, everybody. "troublemaker" airs october 17th on showtime. you can see dane perform at the new york comedy festival on november 6th and 7th. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you got this. you got this. you're a wizard. you're a fireball throwing wizard. you're a hero. and you look great.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is a very funny comedian and actress who spent five seasons in the cast on "saturday night live." you can now see her in the new sitcom "mulaney," which airs sunday nights on fox. let's take a look. >> jane, what are you doing here? >> i got a call that lou needed a trainer. i assumed you got me the job. >> no. i had nothing to do with it. and i don't think he hired you to be his trainer. >> what? you mean he wants to sleep with me? >> it's worse than that. he wants to make you laugh. >> gross. >> look, the next time he makes a joke, just give him like a fake laugh. otherwise we'll be here forever. >> i can't fake a laugh. it's not like saying, "i love you."
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>> seth: please welcome nasim pedrad. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hello, friend. >> seth: so lovely to see you, friend. how are you? a delight. look at this. >> i'm that guy. i cannot look at you when you're right in my line of sight. [ laughter ] i laugh the entire time. >> seth: it's so great to see you. congratulations on the show. >> thanks for having me, thank you. >> seth: you know you worked with mulaney for a long time on "snl." now you're working with him on the sitcom "mulaney." how has the adjustment been from the live? >> leaving "snl?" oh my god. you know more than i know. >> seth: yeah, it's easy for me. i just came down a different elevator. >> right, right. it kind of feels like, you know, at the end of "gravity" when sandra bullock is like reintroduced to planet earth? >> seth: yes. >> like the pod lands from outer space. >> seth: right. >> and she's like, "i'm a newborn" and walks out, it's kind of like that. like i was in outer space for
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five years -- >> seth: and now you're back on earth. >> yeah, and i'm like reintegrating into society. >> seth: that's good. well, society's very lucky to have you back. >> thanks. >> seth: your parents are some of my favorite people. one of my favorite things about working at "snl" is you meet people's parents at the after party. and have they come -- i have so ask. have they come to a taping of "mulaney" yet? >> yes, they have. dad says hello. >> seth: good. i love your dad. >> oh my god, famously said, i think, famously in our circle that you were the son he never had. >> seth: yeah. >> which i think all he meant by that was just, "hey man, i love your work." >> seth: yeah. but that's what i like about your dad. he's so intense that it wouldn't be enough to just say, "i like your work." yeah, it's great. >> the sweetest man you'll ever meet. >> seth: the best. >> yeah. my parents were big roamers on set. >> seth: oh yeah. >> i'm just like constantly afraid they're going to wander into a scene. there's like an area roped off for friends and family, and they see that as more of a suggestion. like they'll start out there. they'll like pre party there. and like schmooze with the pas. and the next thing i know they're like this close to
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martin short's face. as if they're about to enter his face. >> seth: and your dad told martin short he's like the son he never had, right? >> exactly. >> seth: yeah, 'cause that hurt my feelings. when i heard that, i'm like, "oh, he says that to everybody." you were born in tehran. and you moved here when you were three. your parents, especially your dad, sometimes he would make -- he doesn't quite express himself the way he tries. >> well, again, sweetest man you will ever meet. rarely ever got mad. like when we were growing up. but if he did, if you were lucky enough to catch him cursing in english, it was always like one or two words off from what he meant to say. you know what i mean? so like, i remember -- and now obviously i'm old enough to find it hilarious. but growing up it was just like my biggest nightmare. like, this one time when i was little i remember hearing him on speaking phone with some customer service person. it got real heated and the guy was being so mean to my dad, like really laying into him. and finally my dad had enough and he was just like, "hey, you know what? shut the [ bleep ] out."
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[ laughter ] and i remember hearing that as a kid and, like, panicking. like, my dad doesn't know how to cuss right. so i'm like, waving my arms. i'm like, "dad! dad! it's 'up.' shut the [ bleep ] up." [ laughter ] like trying to help him lay down a slam, and he was just like, "what did you say?" and i'm like, "that's not how you use [ bleep ]" he was like, "go to your room." i'm like, "we're in america now. don't embarrass me." the guy on the phone heard that entire exchange. >> seth: he very slowly hangs up. >> yeah. he's got a better handle on it now. >> seth: one of the things working with mulaney again, mulaney and you would write the ariana huffington -- this was one of my favorite things on "weekend update" was when you played ariana. >> oh my gosh, it was so fun. mulaney wrote it, yeah. do you remember the first time? >> seth: the first time was -- i sometimes -- i think everybody appreciates that the show is live, but i don't think they appreciate how last minute something can be. because the first time you did huffington, why was it so last minute? >> i think that saturday bill hader got an eye infection
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and he was supposed to do james carville on update. >> seth: right. >> and so they needed someone to like cover those stories. bill couldn't do it. so mulaney just came to me, and was like, "what if we try huffington?" and it was so funny. he wrote this thing where she just got to flirt her little face off with you. >> seth: yeah. we got to be very flirty together. i really liked that. and you've since seen her and she really liked it. >> we're very much in touch. actually, i heard from her -- remember when the ice bucket challenge stuff was happening? i got an email from her just like, "darling, i wanted top give you the heads up. i'm going to nominate you for the ice bucket challenge. you know, i really hope you do it. you have 24 hours to do it." [ laughter ] >> seth: that's more than enough time. [ cheers and applause ] >> and i took exactly six days. >> seth: that's right, and you did it in exactly six days. >> seth: being back in new york, when you come back for something like this, is it weird to re-enter new york? >> yes. first of all, it's surreal even
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just being on this floor. but i've only not lived in new york for few months and i already feel like such a tourist here. i was on the subway during rush hour and like i've already forgotten how everything works. you know when you're like sandwiched in and it's just so packed and you kind of just like go where you can. and i ended up cornering a man who is, like, standing -- i was, like, fully in his chest, like, and there are people everywhere behind us. and i was, like, he seems chill. i'm going to be chill. we're going to get through this. and then i put my headphones on and just tuned out. and, like, for awhile. like, nine stops later, i was thinking, like, it's rush hour. it's crazy crowded. you can see where this is going. [ laughter ] i was, like, this subway car is packed. i got a good spot with a guy who does not smell. i am not giving this up. and i was, like, oh, i should turn around and see if i've missed my spot. so i literally peel myself out of his chest, turn around and
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there's literally like four people left -- [ laughter ] --in the subway car. >> seth: that's the new tinder. that's the new tinder. it's so lovely to see you again. congrats on the show. i can't wait for next sunday's episode. >> oh my god, it's so great to see you. >> seth: nasim pedrad, everyone. check out "mulaney" sunday nights on fox. we'll be right back with azar nafisi. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ shopping for my daughters isn't like it use to be. that's just not enough crotch. do these shoes say "mathlete" to you? ha! where do you put the books?! these are still cool, right? number 15 of my 20, desperately trying to keep my girls from growing up too fast. the amex everyday credit card, with no annual fee. make 20 or more purchases in a monthly billing period and earn 20% more rewards. is this nut-free? it's membership that rewards you for the things you already buy, every day. what's your 20? what kind of beer do you want?
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is "the new york times" best selling author of the hugely popular memoir "reading lolita in tehran" which has been translated into more than 30 languages. her latest book is called, "the republic of imagination" and it's in stores on october 21st. please welcome azar nafisi. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hi, welcome.
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>> i feel very welcome. >> seth: you feel very welcome? well that's what we try to do here. that's what we try to do here. >> great to be here. >> seth: congratulations so much on the book. >> thank you. >> seth: you talk imagination in this book. you knew america first of literature. so it was something you imagined before you saw it. talk to me about what you think the role of imagination is. >> well, when i was about 3 years old my father would start telling me stories. and the fact about those stories was that, there were no boundaries to it. there were no passports or i.d. cards. you didn't have to have a special language or nationality or religion. everything was for free. and so he started telling me stories about our own folk tales and our ethenic poets. and then he would jump the next day to italy and there would be pinocchio. the next day there would be the little prince. the next day it would be "charlotte's web." so then i realized in this small room of mine, i've got the whole world.
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>> seth: and coming from tehran and living in iran, it seems like, do you think people there appreciate the value of literature more than people here who just have it so freely. >> well, yes. you just saw malala who won the nobel prize. people get shot in the head for wanting to know about the world. because imaginative knowledge is one of the most subversive things in the world. and in iran, when the world was taken away from us, when my students could not listen -- you know, everything about this country. watching woody allen, listening to bon jovi, reading saul bellow all of this was underground as if we were guerrillas. >> seth: bon jovi is so psyched to be mentioned there too. woody allen, saul bellow, bon jovi. the holy trinity. [ laughter ]
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>> i tell you, my favorite is the marx brothers. my children were brought up on marx brothers. >> seth: wow. >> a night at the opera i won't go into that. and i was sort of "the doors" generation. mothers of invention generation. >> seth: so you're a cool cat. >> i'm rather cool, yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: you are rather cool, but you have not been -- you've had awkward moments with people you wanted to impress. which i like. because that is similar to me. >> oh, no. you're not going there. >> seth: i already did. you had a chance to meet salman rushdie. which was very exciting for you, as a fan of him. tell me what happened. >> with salman rushdie, you notice this guy called ayatollah khomeni wanted to kill him. and i have to tell you this. salman rushdie before that was one of the most popular writers in iran. two of his books "midnight's children" and "shame" have been translated and because the indians and pakistanis were mad
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at him, the iranian government, in fact, gave a prize for the translation of "shame." and i loved his work because of his amazingly, imaginative play with words. you know, he just throws them up like an acrobat. and picks them up. >> seth: all of these things would have been nice things to tell him when you met him. >> all of these things. i didn't say any of it. i like to be nice to people whom i like. >> seth: sure. [ laughter ] >> but what happened was -- >> seth: why don't you try to be nice? >> i like you. >> seth: you've been nice to me and i appreciate it. >> i'm training myself to do that. but the point with salman rushdie, was in fact, i was trying to be nice to him. now what happened was just before i went to the penn gala and just before i went there i had been at this conference at a new school for social research. and i was talking about
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salman rushdie. and the name of my paper was "heresy of literature: that literature by essence is profane and heretical." you know, james baldwin says artists should disturb our peace. that sort of a thing. so i was really fired up. and then i was sitting at a table and salman rushdie very graciously, he really didn't have to do that, he came to our table and he told me i like your book. and what i wanted to tell him was that in iran people who are hated by the government are immediately loved by the people. you know, women would say, "oh, i have been to jail two times. how many times have you been there?" >> seth: right. >> that sort of a thing. and i wanted to tell him well you won the prize. they want to kill you. [ laughter ] >> seth: so how did it come out? >> so he was very sweet. very mischievous, but he doesn't smile. he just nodded his head and left.
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and next thing i know i'm in london and people are coming up to me and saying, "azar did you tell salman that he deserved to be killed?" and i said, "no, no. honestly not." and then next time i see him, i go to him and i said honestly that is not what i said. and he put his hands around my shoulders and he said, "yes, yes, you did. yes, you did. [ laughter ] but it's okay." >> seth: well, that's very, very nice of him to forgive you. and this is such a wonderful book about literature in america and i highly recommend it. it's been so lovely to have you here. >> it is lovely to be here. thank you. >> seth: azar nafisi, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] the "republic of imagination" is in stores october 21st. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ whatta you wanna do first?
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eat the chick-n-tater melt? or peel the sticker and play jack's munchie peel instant win game?
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what happens if i peel the sticker? you have a 1 in 4 chance of winning cool stuff like flights on southwest airlines, skateboards, gas cards, neff gear, or free food! you just buy a munchie meal, like the new chick-n-tater melt, and peel. what happens if i do both at the same time? ahhhhhhhhhh! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to dane cook, nasim predad, azar nafisi and of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ >> carson: hey, what's shaking everybody? i'm carson daly and you are watching "last call" from queen of the night at the lovely paramount hotel. here's tonight's line up. for our music, lemaitre makes their tv debut with performances from fox theater pomona. in our snapshot, we're going to introduce you to the darlings of los angeles's experimental industrial movement, tearist. but first, william h. macy has created some of the most iconic characters in film and television, including his roles in "fargo," "boogie nights" and "shameless." in "rudderless," he not only performs, but he also marks his feature directorial debut.

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